Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Resurrection of Resurrecting Reason

I have now been absent from this blog for far longer than I was active. That’s a sad thing to realize, because I always loved writing this blog. There were just a great many things that contributed to the absence. The economy’s collapse affected me greatly, as my day job was as a Mortgage Broker. I had to move, went through a great many personal crises, and with the election season kicking into full gear, my interest in atheist affairs was just overshadowed by the more pressing concerns of keeping up with an incredibly important presidential race.

By the time the election was over, I’d been gone from the blog for so long, that I honestly didn’t know how to return. Oh, and I was also cheating on my blog with www.iPhoneFreak.com, a paying blog gig writing about my other love (yes, the iPhone).

All that aside, it is definitely time to return to my baby. Like all babies, however, this one has to grow up a little. In choosing the name Resurrecting Reason, I inadvertently gave myself the leeway necessary to expand the blog beyond the subject of atheism. It is still something that I am passionate about, and it will still be an oft-discussed topic here, but I also feel that politics and civil rights and lots of views held by the masses are lacking that essential ingredient: Reason. As such, I will be redesigning the site to be a little less specific to any subject and will be writing whenever there is something that I feel needs to be said that isn’t being widely said. Whenever I feel that a subject isn’t given the proper dose of critical thinking, I’ll inject reason (as I see it) into the subject.

Since I live in America, I imagine you’ll be seeing a lot of me.

Before you ask: Yes, I will continue doing the No Bullshit Bible Lessons, just not as a daily or semi-daily feature. I figure once or twice a week, as it suits my fancy. Those have always been fun to write, but at the same time, felt the most like work of anything I’ve written here. After all, it involves heavy bible-reading. If that’s not work, I don’t know what is.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Pick a colloquialism: What's your flavor of non-belief?

“It’s one thing to not believe in God, but an Atheist?

Comments like the one above have left many non-believers to adopt any one of a number of different colloquialisms to avoid the stigma attached to “The A Word.” Let’s review a few of them, shall we?

Agnostic: Let’s get this one out of the way first; Yes, agnosticism is different from Atheism, but in many cases, it is used by Atheists as a way of self-identifying as a non-believer in a more palatable way. It can also, in fact, be quite a subjective term. Technically, even Richard Dawkins is an agnostic, because he can not say with 100% certainty that there is no such thing as a god or gods. This is exactly my stance as well, but I (and I assume Prof. Dawkins as well) identify as Atheist to indicate that it isn’t something I am unsure about, that I don’t feel there’s any reasonable chance that there is a god. I cannot claim 100% certainty that anything doesn’t exist, but I find it so unlikely that the difference is almost indistinguishable. Thus: Atheist.

Free-Thinker: This is a way of downplaying the disbelief, making it nothing more than incidental to the fact that the bearer of the title practices “free thought.” That free thought should naturally lead to the conclusion that there is no god. I find this to be both pretentious and, somehow, not pretentious enough. On the one hand, “free-thinker” is a way of elevating yourself to a higher status than those you’re differentiating yourself from: that they are inferior because they do not have the ability to think for themselves. In that sense, I think it can be a more damaging label than Atheist. On the other hand, I think that you could drop the “free” and just acknowledge that you just need to think, period, to know that the idea of God is ridiculous.

Humanist/Secular Humanist: The “Secular” part, when added, is almost redundant. Secular doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t believe in God, just that you want that part to be separate from the rest of society, especially government. There are even plenty of Christian secularists here in the States (though not nearly enough). But someone with no belief in gods is almost always going to be a secularist... after all, why would you want something you don’t believe in having a say in something as important as government? “Humanist” serves to express the disbelief, so “Secular” should be logically inferred. But what about that phrase? It indicates a faith in humanity, in human nature to provide morality, empathy, guidance and charity. It says that we don’t need something outside ourselves to be just and righteous. A stance on the existence of God takes a back seat to the more important notion that, whether God exists or not, we don’t need one. In that way, I very much like the term. For me, though, I prefer to be more blunt about my views on the subject of God’s existence.

Skeptic: All Atheists are, by definition, skeptics. In fact, my dictionary says they are synonymous. Unfortunately, too often the term skeptic is thought of more as someone who doubts the existence of ghosts, physics, Bigfoot, or UFOs, rather than someone who doesn’t believe in deities. So, while the term skeptic is perfectly accurate, the perception of the term usually gives a false impression and usually calls to mind people like James Randi, who try to expose faith healers and other charlatans.

Bright: According to the-brights.net, there are semantic differences between a Bright and an Atheist. However, the goal seems to be to introduce the word “Bright” into the public vernacular to mean “A person with a naturalistic, not supernatural, worldview,” mush in the same way that the word Gay went from meaning “happy” to meaning “homosexual.” I think this is a worthy endeavor and I have signed on as part of the movement. But I’ll continue to identify as an Atheist. Especially for the time being, since no one would have any idea what I was talking about if I said “Oh, I’m a Bright!”

Those are all the ones I can think of for the moment. If anyone identifies as something I don’t have listed (or something I do) then let me know what and why. I’m very interested in hearing why people use the colloquialisms that they do.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Terrible Secret of the Rapture

Biblical scholars and clergymen have spent hundreds of years watching for the signs of the rapture, the time when Jesus would return to Earth and deliver his followers bodily into Heaven prior to starting the apocalypse. In recent years, more and more of the foretold events have been observed, according to such experts, and the general consensus has been that Jesus’ return is imminent.
        “Jesus walks among us today,” says Pastor Jim Davidson of the Crown of Thorns Methodist Church in Albuquerque, NM, “He’s just waiting for the right time to exercise His glorious judgement upon us.”

Many expected that the End Times would be kicked off as the clock rolled over into the new millennium on January 1st, 2000, but seem to have been undeterred when no such thing happened.
        “2000 was as arbitrary a number as anyone could have come up with,” explains the Rev. Patrick McIntyre of Our Lady of Blessed Grace Church in Manhattan, “the truth is, no such theories have anything at all to do with scripture and have everything to do with people trying to guess at the will of God using logic that makes sense to them. The flaw there is in thinking that any of us, or even all six billion of us working together, could ever think or reason on the level of perfection and understanding as the Lord. Such thought is more than folly; it’s blasphemy.”

Rev. McIntyre went on to predict the true date of the Rapture as May 7th, 2011.

Shelby Corbitt, of Bradenton, FL, claims that God came to her and gave her a prophetic vision that the Rapture was coming in 2007. She wrote a self-published book on the subject, launched a website called www.2007Rapture.com and advertised the two, amongst other places, on bus stop benches. Mrs. Corbitt fell victim to quite a bit of ridicule when the calendar flipped over to 2008 without incident and she has since taken down her site and started a new one, www.rapturewatcher.org, where she is less specific on the date that God gave her in her 1986 vision.

As it turns out, Mrs. Corbitt may have been too quick in distancing herself from her previous prophecy and should probably have had more faith in the infallible word of the Lord. After rigorous investigation, we have determined that the Rapture did, indeed occur in 2007. Coincidentally, while she had the year right, it was Rev. McIntyre that pinpointed the day: May 7th.

On May 7th at 11:58 AM, Eastern Time, Edward Bailey, a 36 year old contractor in Hartford, CT, was seen walking out of a local deli, when suddenly...
        “He looked like he was doing that moonwalk dance,” eye-witness Desiree Dupree said, “he was walking, but he wasn’t goin’ no where. It took him a second to notice and I was doin’ a double-take myself. But right when he noticed, I seen this light come down out of the sky and he just gently floated up until I couldn’t see him no more. It was nothin’ but a miracle of the Lord and that’s the truth.”

Ms. Dupree, a 92-year-old widow, wasn’t the only witness, either. The deli was located directly across from a bank, who’s ATM security camera caught the whole event, along with three other cameras on the block, including one on the roof of the building Mr. Bailey had just walked out of, which caught Mr. Bailey in close-up as he ascended past.
        “If you look at the street, there’s no question as to the authenticity of the event,” explained Hartford Police forensic expert Oliver Wright, “First, he would have to have set up some sort of crane or pulley system on the roof, which simply could not have been accomplished here without raising some questions. Also, since multiple cameras caught him walking out of a building from behind a closed door just prior to rising, it was clear that he could not have been wearing any sort of harness to be connected to such a system at the time of the ascent. Though no cameras were pointed at the sky to see him rise higher than would have been possible through human means, we do have a reliable witness [Ms. Dupree] who did see this happen and the rest of her testimony is corroborated by the surveillance footage we do have.”

In response to charges of “Rapture,” officer Wright added, “I won’t make a judgement that it was God or aliens or Osama Bin Laden. All I can say is that we know pretty conclusively that this man was lifted into the sky through no human technological means.”

The day after the alleged rapture, an Argentinean newspaper reported that a church had been vandalized, a message written large across one wall in what appeared to be blood, though no tests have determined from what species the blood may have come. The message read: “Only one man was worthy. The rest of you are assholes.”

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #21: God names Jacob "Israel" (again)

Genesis, Chapter 35:

After Jacob’s sons slaughtered Hamor and Shechem’s tender-dicked people, God came to Jacob with a message,
        “Jacob, you remember when you were running away from our brother and I came to you in a vision and told you I had your back?”
        “You mean in Bethel?”
        “Yeah”
        “I wasn’t running from my brother, I was going to get a wife.”
        “No, I’m pretty sure you were running from your brother. Don’t go back and re-read my account of it, just take my word for it, because I never contradict myself.”
        “Uh. Right.”
        “Anyway: Bethel. Go back there and build me an altar.”
        “Right-o.”

So Jacob gathered all his people together.
        “Okay, everyone! Give me all your false gods, get yourselves cleaned up and changed, we’re going to Bethel!”

So they handed over all their little carved gods and their earrings and, while they were getting changed, he buried all these things under a tree by Shechem...which, after Levi and Simeon were done with him, could probably have been any tree in a three-mile radius.

As they passed out of town, the people in the neighboring town didn’t slaughter them because they were afraid of God. It’s good to have friends in high places.

So they arrived at Bethel, where Rebekah’s nurse promptly died and they buried her under an oak tree. The God showed up and blessed Jacob,
        “Your name is Jacob,” He said, displaying a great ability for stating the obvious, “But from now on, your name will be Israel. And your kids will be kings and you can have the land I gave your father and grandfather and all that.”

So God left and Jacob built a stone altar and poured water and oil on it. Then he named the spot Bethel. Just like he had almost 30 years prior.

They all left Bethel then and traveled to Bethlehem but before they could reach their destination, Rachel went into a difficult labor with her second child, whom the midwife assured her would be a boy. She gave birth to the boy but, tragically, the labor had been too hard on her and she passed away, the last words on her lips, the name of the child she died bringing into the world: Ben-oni.

Jacob had loved Rachel very much, from the moment he met her, and her dying wish were that her son should be named Ben-oni. Unfortunately, she was just a woman. And the wishes of a woman don’t matter, not even the dying wishes matter if they come from a lowly woman. So Jacob named his twelfth son Benjamin. Or maybe he just thought Ben-oni sounded too much like Ben Kenobi (scholars consider this latter possibility “unlikely”).

So Rachel was buried and a pillar erected in her honor.

Eventually, Jacob (now officially going by “Israel”) settled somewhere beyond the tower of Edar. While living there, his eldest son, Reuben, had sex with one of Israel’s concubines...which would be kind of like having sex with your step-mother. Israel heard about it, too. How he felt about it, though, remains unclear.

Later, Israel/Jacob traveled back to be with his father, Isaac, at the end of his days. He died at the age of one hundred eighty, and his sons buried him.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #20: Dinah's Fate Revealed!







Genesis, Chapter 34:

Though she rated not a single mention in Jacob’s adventures after her birth, his daughter Dinah was, in fact, brought back home when the rest of the family took their leave of Laban.

So Dinah went to see the daughters of the land. Whatever that means. While out and about, she met a prince named Shechem, who took her home and raped her. Unlike most rapists, however, Shechem fell in love with his victim and he tried to sweet talk her into liking him.

Shechem went to his father, a powerful man named Hamor, and demanded that he arrange that Dinah should marry him.

Jacob, meanwhile, had heard about what had been done to his precious (though often overlooked) daughter. His sons were in the field with the cattle when he got word, so he decided to stew in his rage until they returned.

Hamor arrived to discuss the proposal with Jacob at about the same time as the boys came in from the field. When they heard what happened to their sister, they were filled with a rage befitting older brothers in such circumstances.

        “Guys,” Hamor implored, “My son loves your Dinah with all his heart! Please consent to make her his wife! Your daughters will marry into my family and my daughters will marry into yours! We’ll be one, big, happy family! What do you say?”
        “Yeah,” said Shechem, who was also there, apparently, “I’m a good guy! Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you. Anything you want. Trade you a Rolex each for your sister, if you want.”

The men of Jacob’s family discussed amongst themselves briefly and came to a conclusion:
        “The problem,” Jacob said, “is that you heathens have foreskins. Our family has a big problem with excess dick skin and could never give our daughter to someone that’s uncut. But we’re not unreasonable. We will consent to marrying our daughter to you and joining our families if everyone of your people will get circumcised. Otherwise, we’re taking Dinah back and you’ll never see her again.”

Hamor and Shechem left in good spirits. Shechem’s love for Dinah was strong enough that he would mutilate his penis and the penises of every man he encountered, if needs be. So they went and gathered the men of their land and sold them all on the idea of getting circumcised, enticing them with the notion of how much more livestock they could have if they were joined with Jacob’s people. The men agreed and they all set about getting circumcised right away.

The next day, all the men moved about gingerly due to their sore, sore man-units. So when two of Jacob’s sons, Levi and Simeon, charged into town with blades drawn, the men were unable to protect themselves and every last one was killed mercilessly by the brothers.

Their cold-hearted slaughter complete, they freed their sister and took every woman and child captive. They also took all the livestock and harvest and valuables. The town was completely decimated.

Jacob wasn’t too happy to hear what his sons had done,
        “Great. Because of you little shits, everyone around here is going to hate me. You know what’s gonna happen, right? I’ll tell you: all the villages are going to band together, march in here and kill my ass. All because you had to go commit genocide!”
        “Hey, no one treats our sister like a whore, Dad!”

And that seemed to end the argument.

Attention Internet Explorer Users:

It has just been brought to my attention that my site has been crashing your browsers. Sorry about that. It seems I had a widget that IE (and only IE) just didn’t get along with at all. The good news is, the problem seems to be fixed, so you can feel free to read without fear of a browser crash.

And from now on, I’ll be testing all the browsers whenever I add a new widget.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #19: Jacob vs God in the Steel Cage!







Genesis, Chapters 32-33:

Jacob was finally on his way home and, on his journey, was met by the angels of God. All of them, apparently. And if they had much of anything to say, no one seemed inclined to write it down.

Jacob sent some messengers ahead to inform his brother of his homecoming,
        “Go, tell Esau where I’ve been for two decades,” he commanded them, “and tell him how huge my flock is and how many servants I have, oh, and that I hope he’s happy to see me!”

So off they went, later returning with news of Esau,
        “So, we found Esau and told him you were coming, and he’s coming out to meet you! Oh, and he’s bringing four hundred men with him. Good luck with that.”

Naturally, Jacob freaked out. After all, he spent his early years screwing over Esau as often as he could. So he split his group in two, so that if Esau came and slaughtered one, the other might escape. He also spent quite a bit of time praying to God, and reminding Him how He said He’d do right by Jacob.

Just in case, though, Jacob gathered hundreds of his various animals and, separating them into groups of like animals, assigned each drove to a servant,
        “Okay, guys...I’m gonna send you out in waves, okay? Journey out in the direction of my brother, with some distance between you, so you don’t all get there at once. When you see him, tell him that you and all the animals are a gift from me, and tell him I’m right behind you. If we’re lucky, he won’t want to kill me by the time I finally get to him. If he kills you and takes the animals, I’m sorry. Better you than me, though, right?”

So off they went and later that night, Jacob gathered his wives, and his concubines and his eleven sons (his daughter Dinah still conspicuously unmentioned) and sent them across the ford while he stayed behind for the night.

He was all alone, except for some random guy who came along and wrestled him. They wrestled until dawn, seemingly at a stalemate. As he realized that he wasn’t getting anywhere in this wrestling match, Jacob put his hand on the hollow of his thigh, because it was out of joint.
        “Okay, let me go,” he said to the stranger, “the sun’s coming up. And I’m not letting go until you bless me.” Blessings, apparently, were the big gaudy Championship Belt of the time.
        “What is your name?”
        “Jacob.”
        “Okay...you’re name isn’t Jacob anymore. From now on, you’ll be known as Israel, because you are a prince among men and you have power with God and you have prevailed.”
        “Uh, okay. And what’s your name?”
        “Why would you ask me my name?” he said, before revealing himself to be God, and blessing Jacob right there on the spot, which Jacob came to call Peniel.

After God took His leave, Jacob (apparently less concerned with taking the name that God assigned him than his grandparents had been) continued on his journey, catching up with his family.

Before long, he saw Esau and his four hundred men coming his way. And he did what any good father would do, he put his family between him and the threat, in order of his love for them; The concubines and their children closest to Esau, then Leah and her kids and, with him, Rachel and Joseph. Dinah, however, was still nowhere to be found.

Esau went right past them all to Jacob, who fell to his knees and bowed seven times as he drew nearer. Esau ran up and...grabbed Jacob in a big ol’ bear hug, gave him a kiss and they cried with joy to see one another!

Introductions were made all-around and Esau was reluctant to accept the offerings Jacob had sent to him, but eventually relented at Jacob’s continued insistence.

They journeyed back home together and Jacob built himself a house and bought some land and built an altar. Things were looking up.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Attention iPhone/iPod Touch users:

I have now added a WebClip icon for the iPhone and iPod Touch, so no matter where you are, The Resurrecting Reason Blog is just a tap away.
As Steve Jobs would say, “You can now have Atheism ... in your pocket!
See below for a picture of it in action.

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #18: Jacob Takes Off







Genesis, Chapter 31:

Laban’s sons were bitching that Jacob had conned their dad out of all the good livestock and Jacob, in turn, noticed that Laban was giving him dirty looks lately.

Seeing this, God went to Jacob, “Okay, man. You should just go home now. I got your back.”

Jacob jumped into action and called for his wives to meet him at the flock, where he explained their next course of action,
        “Girls, your dad is being kind of a dick, and we all know how long I’ve been busting my ass for him. And, in return, he’s lied to me, changed my wages ten times...so guess what? When he decided I’d get all the cattle that were spotted or speckled, God made ALL of them spotted or speckled. Not my fault. God saw what he was doing and showed him what was what. And now God wants us to go home.”
        “Hell, yeah!” they replied, “He sold us off and then spent all our money! All the stuff here that used to be his would have been our and our kids’ anyway. We should listen to God and get the hell outta here.”

So Jacob loaded his sons and wives onto camels. His daughter? Maybe he fed her to some dogs. Or made her into saddlebags for the camels. Or maybe he loaded her onto a camel with the rest of the family. We may never know. Jacob had gathered all his things, including the flocks. Rachel, for her part, had stolen her father’s idols when he set off to shear his sheep. So, with everything gathered and everyone (with the possible exception of the daughter) loaded onto camels, it was time to leave, with Laban none-the-wiser.

It took three days for Laban to get word that Jacob had taken off and he immediately set out to intercept him. It was seven days of hard travel before he was able to catch up and on one of those nights, God came to Laban in a dream and told him that he’d better watch his mouth when he speaks to Jacob.

Finally, he caught up to Jacob and went to have words with him.
        “What do you think you’re doing, man? Why’d you take off with my daughters, like they were your hostages? Why didn’t you just come and tell me that you wanted to go? I’d have seen you off with a party! But you do this to me, it makes me want to hurt you, Jake. And I could, you know. I could hurt you. The only reason you’re not bleeding out into the sane is because your God asked me not to hurt you. And I know you want to get back home and see your dad again...you have for a long time, but why’d you have to go and steal my little statues of my gods?”
        “I left because I was afraid that you would take your daughters from me. As for who took your idols...you got me. You find them, then you can feel free to whack whoever has them,” Jacob replied, totally unaware that his wife had stolen the idols.

So Laban went on a tent-by-tent search, tearing everything apart, trying to find his idols. But Rachel was smart, she hid them in her camel’s saddle and sat on them and then told her father that she was on her period, so that he wouldn’t look there.

When the search was complete and the idols were nowhere to be seen, Jacob became furious.
        “What the hell did I ever do to you, Laban, that you’d tear-ass across the desert to catch up to me? You’ve gone through all my stuff and what did you find? Huh? Go on, lay it out so everyone can see what I’ve stolen from you! Oh, you don’t have anything? Because it seems to me that I’ve been working for you for twenty years! Fourteen years for your daughters, six years for the cattle. In all that time, I have never stolen anything. I’ve never eaten your meat, I’ve been the one responsible for any lost or stolen animals. Every day and night I worked, sweating and parched in the day, frostbitten at night. And how did you treat me in return? By changing my wages ten times! If it weren’t for the fact that you’re afraid of my God, you’d have sent me away empty-handed by now.”
        “Okay,” replied Laban, “Let’s come to an agreement here. Let’s make a big pile of rocks.”

So they made a big pile of rocks and Laban called it Jegar-sahadutha. But that name sucked, so Jacob called it Galeed. They all ate a big feats on top of the heap of stones, but when it came to deal-time, it was just Jacob, Laban, and the Heap. And God, I guess.
        “Now just you remember,” said Laban, “If you mistreat my daughters or marry additional wives, that God stands witness to our pact here. That said, I will never cross this pile of rocks to do you harm, if you’ll swear the same. And no going around, either. Just pretend the pile marks an invisible border.”

Jacob swore on his father, with God as witness, to uphold the treaty, with God as witness. Then they broke bread and, in the morning, Laban kissed his daughters and grandchildren (well, grandsons...the jury’s still out on poor Dinah, his granddaughter) and went back home.

It's All a Trick of the Devil

Creationists have been getting a lot of press lately, with their new propaganda film out and their continued efforts to undermine the teaching of science in our school system. These creationists, the ones who hide behind the pseudo-scientific title of “Intelligent Design,” clearly have no understanding of evolutionary theory or even science in general. They are woefully misinformed and, as I’ve discussed elsewhere, approach the whole issue from the wrong end; trying to punch holes in a theory in order to validate their theory, rather than getting any evidence to support their views. These are people who, because of their preconceived notions, genuinely feel that the evidence supporting evolution is flawed or inconclusive. They may believe the Earth is six thousand years old and they may fight tooth-and-nail against anything that contradicts the word of the Bible but I genuinely feel that most of them, if presented with the full scope of the evidence in support of evolution, would at least take it upon themselves to look more closely at the matter, rather than stick dogmatically to their views. That isn’t to say that they would necessarily change their minds, but that if they really knew the full extent of the evidence in support of Evolution, their curiosity would get the best of them and they might be able to look at the situation more objectively.

Less likely to stray from the dogma, however, are the creationists that do accept that the evidence we have clearly supports the theory of Evolution. How can someone that will admit that the evidence supports the theory be a creationist, though? By believing that the evidence is--you guessed it--a trick of the Devil.

Let me go back several years for a moment, back to my very first experience with a Young Earth Creationist. I was about 20 and had only just recently learned that there were people--Americans, no less--who truly believed the Earth to be only six thousand years old. When I first heard this, I immediately thought “Wait...how do they explain dinosaur fossils in their world view?” When I finally met a Young Earth Creationist, I wasted no time in asking the dinosaur question. The answer, as it turns out, is that dinosaur bones are a Trick of the Devil. As if, upon the invention of the shovel, the Prince of Lies worried that the humans would dig straight down to Hell, and decided that ancient bones of giant beasts would be sufficient distraction to prevent such an occurrence. This was, of course, before the phrase “Intelligent Design” was thought up by some brilliant evangelical PR man and thus, before the popularization of the now generally-accepted-by-creationists notion that dinosaurs and man peacefully co-existed.

There are still people, right here in the USA, that think this way. That think that the 150 years of compiled evidence in support of evolution, even right down to the evidence contained within our DNA, is nothing more than the Devil’s trickery. How can you possibly convince these people otherwise? Well, you can’t. Not ever. The Trick of the Devil argument is the ultimate logic-stopper. It’s the adult equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling “LA LA LA LA LA LA, I can’t hear you!!” The Devil has played many roles in the mythology of the Bible and now, in the face of overwhelming, mutually supported evidence, he has been cast as the Mark Furman in the OJ trial of Evolution.

It’s quite the confusing situation. On the one hand, these are people who are reasonable enough to look at the sheer amount of the evidence and logically conclude that it empirically supports Evolution. On the other hand, they believe that the only reason Evolution is so clearly obvious is because that’s what the Devil wants us to think! Where does the line get drawn on such reasoning? At what point can someone in that mindset accept anything as reality? After all, it is the clearest example of willful ignorance I can think of. They choose to believe it is a trick of the Devil because they simply aren’t willing to accept the alternative, no matter what the physical world my have to say about it. So where is the line? If one of these people comes home to find their spouse murdered, for example, can they accept that? If they’re unable to accept the shock to their world that the truth of Evolution would be, how can they possibly accept that God would allow someone to murder their beloved husband or wife? If you go to the museum, a dinosaur fossil is just as tangible as the mutilated corpse of a loved one. God could not allow such a thing, the corpse must be a trick of the Devil, right?

Yes, that example may be a bit extreme, but that’s the point. If you’re willing to accept that objects that you can hold in your hand can have been created by Satan to mislead you, then there’s literally no limit, no cut-off that can be clearly defined for what can be accepted as fact and what is test or a ploy perpetuated by the Nemesis. It is the ultimate form of conspiracy theory, where literally everything can be fabricated, in some cases with God’s consent, to lead us to the wrong conclusions. It’s a small stumble from that place to a state of being fully delusional, forming your own beliefs regardless of what you may see, hear, taste, smell or feel to the contrary.

Make no mistake about my intention; I think that most of the people who use the “Trick of the Devil” argument will never use it for anything but as a trap door to escape a debate that their religion can’t win. But it’s important to acknowledge the full extent of the self-deception at work in such seemingly innocuous statements. Only a tiny fraction of one percent of such people may ever make the leap to full-blown paranoid delusions ... but they’re all standing on the precipice.

Monday, May 5, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #17: Battle of the Wombs

Genesis, Chapter 30:

Seeing how many children Jacob fathered with Leah, Rachel became quite jealous.
        “Jacob, you give me babies or I swear I’m gonna die!”
        “Hey, it’s not my fault God dried up your womb!”
        “Fine, go have sex with my handmaiden and she’ll bear me some proxy babies!”

So Jacob did as his irrational swinger wife demanded and had a baby with her handmaiden. This pleased Rachel to no end and she sent him once again to bed her servant, and another son was born. And Rachel once again felt superior to Leah.

Leah, for her part, could see that her marital advantage was quickly being eroded and, still walking funny from the first four children she bore, sent her handmaiden to bear more children in her stead. And the servant had two of Jacob’s sons. So Leah now felt like she was back on top.

Then Reuben, Jacob’s eldest child with Leah, was out in the fields and found some mandrakes and brought them to Leah. For some reason, Rachel really wanted some of those mandrakes and asked Leah for some.
        “Oh,” Leah replied, “first you steal my man now you want my son’s mandrakes?”
        “Bitch,” Rachel undoubtedly wanted to reply, “Dad had to trick him into your bed, but he chose me, you skanky ho-bag!” Out loud she said, “Oh, for crying out loud! Give me some damn mandrakes and he’ll come screw you tonight, okay?”

So when Jacob came in from the field, Leah intercepted him,
        “Hey, your ‘favorite’ wife just sold your penis to me for the night in exchange for some veggies, so come give it to me, big boy.”

This apparently seemed to God like a virtuous arrangement, so he blessed Leah with yet another son. And then another. Then she felt that surely, having had six of his children, Jacob would move out of Rachel’s place and come live with her instead. She had a daughter anyway, just to sweeten the deal.

God, who had to have been amused by these women battling for the presumably well-endowed Jacob, decided to make things a little more interesting; he unlocked Rachel’s womb, making her the third straight generation in her family to have a barren womb that was made fertile by God. Shockingly, she had a son. She named him Joseph.

About this time, Jacob went to Laban,
        “Okay, man,” he said, “I’ve been working for you for fourteen years. Give me my wives and my kids and let me go home.”
        “Oh, man...I was afraid you were gonna say that. See, you and your kids have been a lot of free labor for me and I’m afraid my farm is gonna go to crap without you! I want you to stay, name your price.”
        “Dude, look. When I got here, you had, like, nothing. Now look at you. You have more cattle than you know what to do with. I did my time, now let me go home and provide for my own family.”
        “Jacob, please stay...just tell me what you want.”
        “I don’t want anything from you. Just let me leave. If you do that, I will tend to your herds once more. I’ll go through and separate from the herd all the speckled and spotted animals and give them to you, fed and cared for. When I am done caring for the flock, the ones that are not spotted will be mine and the rest yours to keep.”
        “Um...sure?”

So Laban took all the spotted, speckled, etc and gave them to his sons and then put three days distance between him and Jacob.

Jacob took this time to use aphrodisiacs on the animals to get them to mate and paired them up to selectively breed them so that he would get all the good, strong ones while Laban was left with all the weak, feeble ones. Just goes to show what happens when you screw a guy out of seven extra years of his life in order to saddle him with a wife he never wanted.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #16: Jacob Gets Hitched

Genesis, Chapter 29:

After a dream made Jacob decide to give 10% of all his stuff to God, he continued his journey and ended up at the same well where a servant had found his mother on his hunt for a wife for Isaac. Gathered around the well were sheep herders, there to water the sheep.
        “Hey guys,” he called out, “Where you all from?”
        “We’re from Haran,” one of them answered.
        “Oh, cool! You know Laban?”
        “Oh, sure. Good guy.”
        “He doin’ all right, then?”
        “Yeah, he’s doing well. In fact, here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep now.”

When Rachel came near, Jacob rolled the stone off the well because no one else was willing to, and watered the sheep for her. Apparently, he felt that this earned him some “play” because he kissed here right there and in the manliest way possible, cried. After kissing her, Jacob told Rachel that he was her cousin and she ran and told her father. It should be noted that this was due to excitement, not disgust at having made out with her cousin. They were, indeed, different times.

When Laban got the news, he rushed out and met Jacob and embraced him, even kissed him.

Jacob stayed there for a month before Laban said to him,
        “Jacob, you’re family. I can’t have you helping out around here for free. How do you want to be paid?”
        “Oh. Well, uh, I was thinking I could, like, marry Rachel. She’s seriously hot. In fact, I will work for you for seven years in return for her hand in marriage.”

Jacob clearly had not heard how easily the family was willing to marry off its women and that he could have been on his way back home with a new wife come morning if he hadn’t made this ridiculous proposal. Laban, for his part, was not a stupid man. Though he admitted that it would be better for Jacob to have her than anyone else, he wasn’t about to pass up seven years of free labor; he accepted.

So after seven years of indentured servitude, Jacob went to Laban,
        “Okay, Laban. It’s seven years now. Give me Rachel so I can finally have sex with her.”

So Laban put together a great feast for all the men of the village (the women, presumably, were too busy cooking to attend) and, that night, gave his older daughter Leah to Jacob. Jacob, perhaps blinded by seven years of built-up horniness, did not notice that he had been given the wrong wife until he woke the next morning beside her. By this time, of course, he had released the pent-up horniness and was seeing clearly. And seeing red.

        “Dude, what the Hell?!” he demanded of Laban, “I just worked seven years for Rachel, and you give me Leah?! I’m gonna sue your ass for breach of contract!”
        “Jacob...it is just not our way here to give away the younger daughter before the first-born has been married. Tell you what; after Leah has been your wife for a week, I’ll give you Rachel in addition and you can work another seven years for me, since you get two of my daughters.”
        “Fine.”

So, the deal was made and, after a week, Jacob got the wife he wanted in addition to the one he didn’t want and he loved Rachel very much, never having cared all that much for Leah in the first place. And, yes, after taking Rachel for his wife, Jacob was fleeced out of another seven years of his life, working for Laban to pay off Leah, whom he never wanted in the first place. In hindsight, it was clearly very wise for Abraham to refuse to allow Isaac from traveling to pick his own wife, because he clearly knew that a guy could get fleeced out of fourteen years of his life for the sake of a woman.

God, meanwhile, saw that Leah was hated and, in a move that makes one wonder if He knew the whole story, He made Leah extra-fertile, while making Rachel the third consecutive generation of barren-wombed women in her family.

So Leah had a son named Ruben and was convinced that the feat of bearing him a male heir would make Jacob love her. When that didn’t happen, she had another son and named him Simeon. Again, she thought that bearing two sons would make Jacob love her. Not so much. So she went for a third: Levi. Still no love. Lastly, she gave birth to Jacob’s fourth son, Judah, and gave up trying to earn Jacob’s love through baby-making.

It is worth noting that, as much as Jacob loved Rachel, he didn’t seem to have any issue with seemingly consistent sex with her sister. Stay tuned for more tales from the book where all our morals come from, right here on Resurrecting Reason!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The Atheist Blogroll

I have added the Atheist blogroll to the blog, so if you want to check out some more great Atheist blogs, just go check out some from the blogroll on the right-hand side of the page.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Now a member of Planet Atheism

I recently found a great Atheist Blog aggregator called Planet Atheism. If you’re looking for news and views from Atheists, I haven’t found a place with more sources. Be sure to check them out.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

What are televangelists really like?

Way back in September, 2006, my girlfriend and I were flipping through channels sometime after midnight and we came across a televangelical show called “Live Prayer.” We decided to watch for a few minutes, just for fun. The topic was on the evils of gambling, pretty much your standard sanctimonious fare. After only a few minutes, the host, Bill Keller (not to be confused with the New York Times’ Bill Keller!) received a call from a man who started a story with a claim to have won money gambling in, if I recall correctly, Atlantic City. Keller immediately called him a liar and disconnected the call, launching immediately into a tirade against the caller who was now unable to defend himself.

I found this in extreme distaste and more than a little un-Christian-like. So, of course I called in. I called in and I asked him if Christ would have censored that person and called him a liar. I, in turn, was disconnected and referred to as a “Tool of Satan.”

Well, I couldn’t just leave it at that, now could I?

So I sent him the following email:

From: Shawn McBee
Sent: Thursday, September 28, 2006 2:09 AM
To: bkeller@liveprayer.com
Subject: In need of help.


Hi Bill,

Your website has a quote that calls you the "Dr. Phil of Prayer."
Having watched your show tonight and called in, I think it is more
accurate to call you the "Bill O'Reilly of prayer." One caller,
claiming to have won money gambling, was summarily dismissed as a
liar, and I was called a "tool of Satan" for questioning the piety of
that action.

A person with a strong faith in the power of the Lord's word would
not be so averse to hearing something he doesn't agree with. The
fact is, people do win money gambling or no one would do it. I have
an acquaintance who won a $17m dollar jackpot at the Florida Lotto,
and if you had let me speak, maybe your message would have been
helped along, as that person did not know how to handle that money
and now, a few years later is back to working at a car wash.
Instead, you chose to shield yourself from dissenting views.

You, sir, are no Christian. I am an Atheist and I adhere to the
words and deeds of Jesus more than you.

-Shawn McBee


I was somewhat surprised the next afternoon to find a response from him in my inbox. But I was shocked at the tone and content of the email:

On Sep 28, 2006, at 4:19 PM, Bill Keller wrote:


LOL!!..first..I was 100% RIGHT..you ARE a tool of satan..all those who deny
God your Creator are satans' tools..pretty amazing I knew who you were
immeidatly..God showed me..as for the other idiot..you don't hear what
happens since we are on a 7 second delay..he was nothing but a typical prank
caller..btw..I you are like your daddy satan.quoting God's Word..the very
Word YOU reject..yet like satan..not knowing how to quote it
properly..LOL!!..run along son..you are out of your league..

Know that I am praying for you, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller
Founder, www.liveprayer.com


That has not been edited at all. Everything from his total lack of formatting to his total lack of tact, grammar and punctuation is exactly as I received it. I particularly liked the stock complimentary close that is in complete opposition to the tone of the rest of the email. His mocking tone shocked and flabbergasted me. I could not imagine that Jesus would taunt and deride any other person in such a manner, let alone say that they are like their “Daddy Satan.” I just had to reply.

From: "Shawn McBee"
To: "Bill Keller" <bkeller@liveprayer.com>
Sent: Thursday, September 28, 2006 7:42 PM
Subject: Re: In need of help.


Dear Sir,

Even though I am an Atheist, I try to subscribe to the teachings of Christ, as they preach kindness, love of your fellow man, and tolerance. Jesus would have thought of someone claiming Atheism as a lost lamb, and would try to bring that person into His light. You, who are essentially representing Him on Earth, have bullied, insulted and ridiculed me. These unkind words for someone who could be in desperate need of guidance to accept Jesus into their hearts only serves to push them away. Atheist or no, I know that Jesus would not have wanted that.

I pity you, that you have dedicated your life to a set of ideals that you, yourself, cannot manage to live by.

I hope that you find peace in life, and forgiveness after.

Truly,

Shawn McBee.


Yeah, I laid it on a little thick there, I must admit. The point was to keep above the fray, to maintain my demeanor and grasp of the English language, despite the fact that by now it was abundantly clear that I was dealing with some sort of Man-Child. As you can imagine, he responded.

LOL!!..go sell that pile of dog poop to someone else..spare me...you have no more interest in the TRUTH than an Eskimo does in buying ice cubes..LOL!!..you cna't pick and choose what Jesus said..let me educate you..He also said that thsoe who rejected Him will burn in HELL..how about that one Shawny??..LOL!!!...still like Jesus?..I don't feel sorry for you..you watch me..you have heard the Truth..you choose to reject it..sorry..when you burn in hell..you won't have anyone to blame but yourself..enjoy..
You will be in my prayers, be richly blessed,
Bill Keller
www.liveprayer.com


He called me “Shawny.” Honestly. He clearly thought that this exchange was happening on a school playground. I decided that I would not reply. I was clearly never going to get an intelligent reply, so I dropped it.

I just wanted to illustrate the arrogant, bullying, derisive, mocking tone taken. I wanted people to see what these people (at least this one) are really like.

Anyone have a similar story? Lay ‘em on me!

Monday, April 28, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #15: Jacob has a Dream

Genesis, Chapter 28:

Because Rebekah suddenly got it into her head that she didn’t want Jacob marrying a Canaanite girl, Isaac called his son to him.
        “Listen, boy. I know it was you I blessed. In return for my blessing, you can’t marry a Canaanite. You’ll marry a first cousin, like your father before you. And God will pass Abraham’s blessing to you and your seed will multiply and all that jazz. Now go and marry your Mom’s niece.”

Esau overheard this and, having already married a Canaanite girl, thought he’d better go marry a cousin, as well. So he went and married from the other side of the family, marrying one of Ishmael’s kids.

Meanwhile, Jacob set out for his mother’s home-town to marry her brother’s daughter. He traveled until night fell and then decided to take a nap, using some rocks as a comfy pillow, because people were more badass in those days.

As he slept, he dreamt of a ladder to Heaven which the angels used to travel between Heaven and Earth. At the top of the ladder, he saw God, who said,
        “Jacob, I am God. I’m a friend of your granddad’s. Anyway, I’m going to give you the land you’re lying on. And I’ll multiply your seed and all that. And I’ll be sticking right by you until I’ve fulfilled my promise.”

Jacob woke with a start, freaked out that God was there and he didn’t even know it. He also thought fleetingly that the place, the gate of Heaven itself, was a bit creepy.

When morning came he made a pillar out of his pillow-rocks and named that place Bethel, even though it was already called Luz.

“Okay,” he decided, “If God sticks with me and gives me bread and clothes until I get back to my Dad’s, then he can be my God. And this rock will be His house, and I will give him 10% of my income.” He said these words without the slightest idea that they would one day result in yachts for televangelists.

How Smart Was Darwin?


In a recent interview promoting his propaganda film, “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed,” Ben Stein stated that Darwin had no idea about the complexity of the cell, was totally ignorant of DNA, RNA, the Human Genome, how chromosomes and genes worked, etc. To Ben Sein I say: EXACTLY!

Exactly, Ben. Charles Darwin did not know about these things in the nineteenth century. He was ignorant about a great many things that would come later, both in general science and in his field of biology. And yet, he still managed to come up with an exquisite, unifying theory of biological sciences that would be reinforced and strengthened by those future discoveries of things he could not even conceive of. It was the understanding that his theories brought that even allowed us to discover things like DNA in the first place.

And it isn’t just discoveries in the field of biology that have given countless pieces of empirical evidence in support of evolution, but discoveries in the fields of geography, geology, chemistry, genetics, climatology and several other sciences that I’ve probably never even heard of. For the sake of argument, however, let’s focus just on biology for a moment, with a quick detour through physics.

The holy grail of physics is a universal, unifying Theory of Everything. Currently, we have String Theory, M-Theory, various forms of Quantum Mechanics, Thermo-Dynamics, Gravity, Relativity, etc. Physicists have been looking for a single Theory that ties all these things together for a long time. Albert Einstein attempted it, Carl Sagan tried, Stephen Hawking, Stephen Wolfram and hundreds or thousands of physicists whose names are not known outside of the scientific sphere. Still, it eludes them.

The theory that has so long eluded physicists has a cousin, though. One, unifying theory that connected all the other theories of a particular scientific discipline. One that, once discovered, became the foundation, the underpinning of the entire study, allowing a deeper understanding of that science that, in turn, resulted in an explosion of new and exciting discoveries and advances in that science that would not have been possible otherwise. In the field of Biology, that universal, unifying theory is called Evolution.

Prior to Evolutionary Theory, biology was a lot like physics is today; a lot of individual, unrelated theories, each explaining an aspect or small group of aspects of life. One day, we may have an equivalent theory in physics. When that happens, we’ll have the key to the secrets of the universe. Our understanding of the way matter and energy work at every level from the sub-atomic to the cosmological will surge forward, growing exponentially and allowing for technological advances beyond our imaginations. While such a theory would give the fundamentalist Christians far more trouble than Evolution ever could, we’ll save that topic for another day. So, how come no one’s come along with weak or insubstantial evidence and made the claim to have found such a theory? Because it would never hold up. Science has a very strict way of disseminating, testing, verifying and insuring the accuracy of information. By the time the general public hears about a scientific discovery, it’s already been making the rounds for months or even years. Here’s how it works, to the best of my understanding:

        -Through the scientific method, a discovery is made
        -The scientist or team that made the discovery documents, to the smallest detail, the process they used to test, reproduce and validate the discovery, as well as what other science or knowledge they built on to arrive at their conclusions. All referenced works are listed in an incredibly thorough bibliography.
        -This paper is sent to scientific peers, other accredited scientists that specialize in the same field or related fields relevant to the claims set forth in the paper.
        -These peers, which often number in the hundreds or thousands, review the paper, checking sources, verifying claims, and using the (verified) results of their own research to cross-check the paper’s claims.
        -If inaccuracies are found, these are reported back to the scientist or team that submitted the paper, and further tests are done.
        -Once the peer review process is complete and all the information in the paper has been determined to be as accurate as can be determined with current knowledge, it is finally released for public dissemination, where anyone can read the findings.
        -As more evidence and information become available, more papers will be written, each with the possibility that future discoveries may disprove previous ones, thus furthering our collective knowledge of life, the universe and everything.

There are a couple of reasons I point out the steps in this process. First of all, it is to illustrate that scientific discoveries are not really open to debate by people like Ben Stein. By the time Stein hears about them, the most knowledgeable people in the field have already worked tirelessly to ensure its accuracy. Secondly, it is to illustrate the rigorous process that any scientific claims must go through. It takes a million collaborative pieces to form a theory, but only one tiny inconsistency or piece of contradictory evidence to destroy it. Because of the process outlined above, the general public never hears about theories, hypotheses or discoveries that don’t stand up to scrutiny. Yet, in over 150 years, Evolution has added billions of pieces of evidence to support it, including things that its discoverer could never have conceived of. Yet, in those 150 years, it has stood up to scrutiny, without a single piece of contradictory evidence. All it would take to disprove Evolution would be a certain type of fossil that is older than it should be, or younger than it should be. Or a gene sequence that wasn’t what we would expect through evolution. Or something even smaller.

So, how smart was Darwin? He was smart enough to figure out the key to understanding life on Earth without the benefit of seeing it at work at the cellular level, without the benefit of observing the patterns in genetic tests that show it, without having the tiniest idea that something like DNA even existed. Figuring out Evolution with nineteenth century technology and science is the equivalent of the Wright Brothers skipping straight to building the Concord.

I’d say he was pretty smart.




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Sunday, April 27, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #14: Jacob's Deceit

Genesis, Chapter 27:

As God promised Abraham, his son Isaac became a great man. But even great men grow old and Isaac, no exception to the rule, found himself blind and infirm. Knowing that his days were numbered, he called for his eldest son, Esau.
        "Esau," he said, "I am seriously old. I could die, like, any minute. Go out to the field and bring me back some nice, fresh venison and I will bless you before I die."
        "Okay, Dad! I'd be glad to buy your blessings rather than have them given out of love!" And off he went.

Rebekah overheard this and called Jacob, the son she loved, over to her.
        "Jacob, your dad is going to bless Esau in return for a steak. Go out to the flock and kill two baby goats. Then you can bring him the meat he loves so much while Esau is still trying to hunt one, and you'll get the blessing."
        "Dad is totally going to see through that. If he touches me, he'll know I'm not Esau because I'm not covered in hair like Esau is. Dad'll see through it and curse me!"
        "Oh, stop whining. If he curses you, I'll bear the curse. Now do as I say."

So, he went and killed some goat-babies and Rebekah made some tasty venison. She then gave Jacob some of Esau's clothes to wear and strapped bits of the goat' pelts to his hands and neck, to simulate the frightening mutant hairiness of Esau.

Jacob approached Isaac.
        "Father, I have your food."
        "Who are you?"
        "Um. I'm totally Esau. Now eat up so you can bless me."
        "How'd you hunt down and cook a critter so fast?" he asked suspiciously.
        "Oh. Uh...God? Yeah, that's it...God gave it to me."
        "Hmmm....C'mere and let me feel you," he said, foreshadowing the statements of future Clergymen.

Jacob stepped forward and Isaac took his hands.
        "The voice is Jacob's, but the hands are Esau's"

Despite the observation that he sounded just like Jacob, Isaac bought it. Hook, Line and Sinker.
        "Okay, bring me the venison before it gets cold, then I can bless you."

So they ate the venison and bread together and had some nice wine.
        "Okay, boy: May the Lord bless you with abundant rain and fat crops and lots of corn and wine. Your servants will bow before you, nations will bow before you, your brothers will bow before you and, y'know, the usual stuff about people that bless you being blessed and people that curse you being cursed."
        "Awesome. Thanks, Pop."

He split. Moments later, Esau came in with some fresh venison.
        "Hey, sit up, Dad. I brought some venison for you so you'll bless me!"
        "Who are you?"
        "Esau. Remember, you sent me to get you some num-nums?"

Isaac began trembling with rage.
        "I have just eaten venison and blessed the person that brought it to me."
        "Oh...bless me, too, Dad!"
        "You don't get it: Your brother came in here and tricked me into giving him your blessing."
        "Aw, that little shit! First he took my birthright, and now my damn blessing?! Well, you have to have a spare blessing for me, right?"
        "Well, I already made him your Master, decreed that all his brethren are his servants, and made sure he'll be good on corn and wine forever. Is there anything I missed that might be left over for you?"
        "Aw, just give me something." He was now on the verge of whining.
        "Okay, you'll...uh...have rain and good crops, you'll serve your brother very well and...let's see....one day you'll break free of his authority."

Esau took his half-assed blessing and thought about how much he hated his little dip-shit brother. He decided he was going to kill him as soon as Isaac died. And he wasn't too quiet about it either, because word got back to his Mom.

When Rebekah heard about Esau's fratricidal plans, she warned Jacob to run away and stay with her brother until Esau cooled off. Then she went and told Isaac that she sure hopes Jacob doesn't marry one of those slutty girls from Heth. Isaac likely wondered where the hell that came from. I certainly did.

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I'll be adding some of my articles over there so if you like something I write, please feel free to go to The Atheist Spot and vote it up. And, while you're there, look around, because there's a lot of great Atheist content on there and it's only going to get better as the site grows.


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Saturday, April 26, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #13: Isaac comes into his own.

Genesis, Chapters 25-26:

Now that Isaac had gotten a wife, Abraham decided to remarry, and he did. And his new wife had a whole bunch of kids, who Abraham gave presents and sent away so that Isaac wouldn’t have to share his inheritance. Abraham did finally die, aged 175. And Isaac did not, in fact, have to share his inheritance with anyone.

Isaac and Ishmael buried Abraham next to Sarah.

Having finished the task of burying his father, Ishmael went back home and did what people did then: he had a lot of babies. Isaac, in turn, attempted to do the same, but was momentarily prevented from doing so because his wife, much like his mother, was totally infertile. Isaac was a bit smarter than his dad though, and instead of just feeling sorry for himself, he went and asked God to fix it. God did, and soon Isaac and Rebekah were expecting twins.

Rebekah had something of a rough pregnancy and went to ask God why.
        “You have two nations in you,” He said, “One of your kid will be the patriarch of a strong people, who will be subservient to the weaker ones of your other child.”
        “Oh.”

The twins were Esau, who was born red and possibly hairy, and Jacob. Finally, after twenty years of marriage, Isaac had some heirs.

The boys grew up, Esau was a decent hunter, and Jacob was pretty boring and lived in tents. Isaac and Rebekah, not being the best parents, each picked one child to love. Isaac loved Esau, because they shared a love of venison, and Rebekah loved Jacob, presumably because Isaac got to pick first.

One day Esau stumbled out of the field, nearing death from exertion. He came to Jacob’s tent, where he was making some tasty-looking red stew.
        “Jacob, I am totally in need of some food. Help me out, huh?”
        “Umm....Tell you what; I will sell you some stew in return for your birthright.”
        “Well, I am dying,” Esau said, too weak to notice what a dick his brother was being, “guess my birthright isn’t much good to me dead.”
        “Deal, then?”
        “Sure.”

So Esau sold his birthright for some bread and lentil stew, then went on his way.

Isaac and Rebekah, meanwhile, found themselves in the middle of a famine and had to move. As for their destination, God told Isaac where to go and reiterated the promises of greatness that he had made to Abraham. So Isaac settled down in Gerar.

In Gerar, which was within Abimelech’s lands, he pulled the same crap on Abimelech that his dad had done: he told everyone that his hot wife was actually his sister, because he was paranoid that people would kill him to take her. Rich people have always been paranoid about being killed on the street, apparently.

Of course, when Abimelech figured out what was up, he called Isaac out on his shit, then had word spread that anyone that messed with Isaac or Rebekah would be put to death.

This allowed Isaac time to tend the fields and he saw a hundred-fold return on his investment and God blessed him. This trend kept up and Isaac became fabulously wealthy and the Philistines were pretty jealous. So jealous, in fact, that they went and filled in all the wells that had been dug by Abraham’s servants.

Abimelech then went to Isaac and said, “You should just go, man. You’re just...you’re too awesome for us.” Because, truly, Isaac was like a movie star living in Flint, Michigan.

So Isaac left and went to...Gerar? Maybe it was a different place called Gerar. Yeah...like moving from Detroit, Michigan to Detroit, Oregon. Or Paris, France to Paris, Texas. Anyway, he left Gerar and went to Gerar and he had all the wells re-dug. The herdsmen of Gerar claimed that the water was theirs, so Isaac’s people had to dig another, but the herdsmen claimed that one, too. So they had to keep doing that until everyone had enough water and the herdsmen stopped being such babies and learned to share.

All this well-digging ended up in Beer-sheba, where God came to him.
        “Hey.”
        “Oh, hey God. How’s it hangin’?”
        “Good. Listen, just wanted to let you know I got your back. Me an’ your old man were tight, so I’m lookin’ out for you because I told him I would,” He said, sounding like a cop taking on a rookie partner in a movie.

So Isaac built an altar and pitched a tent and, just for good measure, dug one more well. Shortly after that, Abimelech came up from Gerar with a friend of his as well as the Captain of the Army.

        “Um...why are you here? I know you hate me; you kicked me off your land.”
        “Oh. Uh, well...y’see...We noticed you’re friends with God and all, so we thought maybe we could make a deal. Y’know we kicked you out and stuff, but we did it peacefully, right? I mean, we haven’t harmed you. We just thought, maybe you could, like, not harm us either?”
        “Sure. Here’s some food.”

And they ate, spent the night, and went in peace. The peace he had made with Abimelech, coupled with the subsequent finding of water, had Isaac feeling pretty good. Then Esau had to go and spoil it by marrying some daughter of Hittites, which spoiled Isaac’s mood and Rebekah’s.

This is why religion is not allowed in public schools

An Ohio public middle school teacher named John Freshwater is being accused of outwardly promoting religion in class and even burning crosses into his student’s arms. Oh, yes, you read that right. The case is actually about his unwillingness to remove his personal bible from his classroom desk. It is only incidental to the case that they mention the branding of students and, oh, yes, some religious healing. Did I mention this is what passes for a science teacher in Ohio?

As is typical of the religious, the Freshwater and his attorneys are dismissive of anything that doesn’t directly involve the single bible on his desk. They say that it is about his own personal beliefs being violated, rather than a case of a man in a secular school pushing his religion on his students. This line of thinking, though, is entirely dependent on ignoring the fact that the bible in question is just the last of many religious articles that have adorned the class. His refusal to remove the bible is noteworthy because he has already been forced to remove a poster of the Ten Commandments, several posters with bible verses and a shelf of bibles. And now he’s drawing a line in the sand for his personal beliefs, despite the fact that the already removed items indicate an extreme desire to use the classroom to proselytize his religion.

The best part is his “spokesman,” Dave Daubenmire, is a former London High School football coach who gained some notoriety back in ‘99 when his school district was sued because he led his players in prayer at games and practices. Furthermore, he tries to discredit the student-branding as “character assassination” because it’s an “old allegation” from waaayyyy back in December! Oh, my! You mean to tell me that these crazy liberals are bringing up something that first came to light 5 whole months ago?! Why, this poor man! And why is the allegation 5 months old? Because when the parents of one of the students complained about it, the school board did nothing.

The icing on the cake is that students are defending this faith-healing kid-brander. But what do you expect? This is Ohio we’re talking about.

The whole story can be read at the Columbus Dispatch.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Christian license plate not happening



Well, the Florida state Senate has shot down the license plate I mentioned yesterday. Apparently, the plate was on a bill that would introduce several other, non-controversial specialty plates and the “I Believe” plate was cut from the bill so as not to weigh down the chances of the non-religious plates.

Also, it seems that Faith in Teaching, the organization behind the plate’s proposal, didn’t adhere to the proper submission guidelines. Apparently, they hired a firm to gather the necessary signatures and that firm in turn submitted invalid signatures.

Man, can Christians ever play fair?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Atheism in Communist nations

The religious have a tendency to tout Stalin, Polpot and other communists as evidence that Atheism is evil and does more harm than religion. They look to the wrongs perpetrated by communist nations in general as a sign of the dangers of atheism. The problem with that reasoning, of course, is that the people of these nations are in no way atheists. These people do not just one day say “The communists have taken over, now we can stop pretending to be religious and show our atheism to the world!” No, their ability to practice their religion is a right that is stripped from them just like all their other rights.

See, Communism is like fascism in that it stresses a nationalist agenda above all else. The practicing of religion is banned because there should be nothing held in higher regard than the Homeland. As the Abrahamic God commanded that “Thou Shalt Not Worship False Idols,” He, Himself has been deemed a false idol in the eyes of Communist dictators who seek to establish complete control over their people. Worship none but the Homeland.

Let’s take a look at America’s stance on communism over the past 60 years, shall we?

Nearly the moment the Communists took control of Russia, we in America were Anti-Communist. We had a cold war with the USSR that lasted half a century. In the fifties, people’s lives and careers were ruined in Joe McCarthy’s communist witch-hunt. I’ve often wondered what the big deal was. It was, after all, membership in a political party. There was nothing illegal about belonging to a particular political party, was there? On continued our hatred of the “Ruskies.” We were determined to prove that democracy was better, that we could advance more. We developed the Nuke first, triggering a half-century-long arms race. We raced them to the moon. When a volley ball-sized satellite called Sputnik was launched into space by the Russians in 1957, we panicked. They got to space before us.

When the Soviet Union was dissolved in 1991, it was a great day for Democracy...Communism had been defeated! Hooray! But, wait...there were still over a billion communists! We had forgotten about China, a gigantic, powerful, populous nation...a communist nation...with Nukes! Surely, the cold war wasn’t over? We still had to protect the world from the 1/6th of the population that was still communist, right?

Apparently not.

It seems that our problem with Communism really only stretched as far as the Soviet Union. Why, though? Why, once the Soviet Union was dissolved, did we no longer seem to see Communism as such an ever-present threat? Because communists are not atheists.

I know that seems like shoddy logic, but allow me to explain. Russians were, prior to the Communists taking power, Christians. They had very devout orthodox and protestant churches. Stalin and his cronies saw the worship of God as a threat to their power--you cannot control the people if they answer to a higher power. So they took that higher power away from the people. The practice of religion was banned. Of course, these are people of faith. They worshipped in secret or at least within the confines of their minds. For proof of this, you need look no further than modern-day Russia. Putin has been systematically trying to control the practice of religion, shutting down protestant churches and creating the Russian Orthodox Church as the de facto official religion. These denominations began showing up very shortly after the fall of Communism. Did a nation of Atheists decide to find God because their political situation had changed? Was there something inherently Christian about Democracy? Well, that’s what the religious right would have you believe. The real answer, of course, is that the religion was always there. It never went away, it just went into hiding. When a political atmosphere arrived that would not persecute the religious, it was once again safe to practice religion publicly.

China is a different story. When China became a Communist nation, religion was similarly banned, suppressed and persecuted. But, on the whole, it was not Christianity being persecuted. It was Buddhism, Taoism, and Chinese Folk Religion. Those people are already going to Hell, so Communism is okay in that circumstance, see? Communism is bad when it stops Christians from worshipping the Christian God.

Of course, all throughout China, people still practice their religion, though they are “officially” atheist. To call a communist government atheist is like saying that, if America were to officially become a Christian nation, with Christianity mandated, that I would be a Christian. Not on your life.




Vote for this article on thisisby.us

I Believe in License Plates



The AP today is reporting that a Florida group called Faith In Teaching Inc. is pushing for a specialty plate depicting a cross and a stained glass window with the legend “I Believe.” (See Above).

There seems to be a bit of a hubbub over this, as might be expected. The ACLU, among others, see it as a violation of the separation of church and state, an endorsement of Christianity by a constitutionally secular government. I, for one, am vehemently opposed to “In God We Trust” on our legal tender, as well as “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance--but I am not opposed to this license plate, necessarily. First of all, the plates would be paid for by the people paying the extra fee to use them, not with tax dollars. Secondly, the phrase “I Believe” is a personal statement, clearly reflecting the views of the owner of the vehicle and no one else. Lastly, I don’t feel that it can be construed as the state endorsing Christianity anymore than the state endorses large mouth bass, Nascar, soccer, John Lennon or any one of the many sports teams in Florida.

Where I do have a problem, however, is that the bill that would approve this plate would also approve one bearing the legend “In God We Trust.” Here, I have o problem with “In,” “God” or “Trust.” I have a problem with “We.” “We” clearly indicates more than an individual. It could just mean the people in the car. It could, however, also mean “we, the people of Florida.” Individual expression of religion on a license plate is fine with me, “we” gets into the gray area wherein it can be construed that the state is endorsing a religion.

Furthermore, the State Representative who is sponsoring the plate, Rep. Edward Bullard, states that he would oppose an Atheist equivalent, with a slogan like “I Don’t Believe.”

Bullard, an Episcopalian Democrat of Florida’s 118th District, says that people who "believe in their college or university" or "believe in their football team" already have license plates they can buy. The new design is a chance for others to put a tag on their cars with "something they believe in." Yet, apparently, Atheists are not counted as a group whose beliefs are as important as your average Dolphins fan. I find it troubling that an Atheist such as myself, who is vociferously opposed to any breach of the government’s secularism, can be willing to accept this license plate, while a man who took an oath to uphold the constitution and its secular nature is not capable of reciprocating in kind.

I have the number to Rep. Bullard’s Tallahassee office and will be giving him a call tomorrow to discuss this, if I can get through to him personally.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

No Bullshit Bible Lesson #12: Kissin' Cousins

Genesis, Chapter 24:

The death of his wife, Sarah, left Abraham alone and very, very old. He sent for his eldest servant and asked him to fondle his thigh.
        “Nameless servant, I need you to do something for me. Swear that you will not choose my son’s wife from the wretched asses who live here, but that you’ll get him a nice little honey from my home country, someone related to me, preferably.”
        “Sure. But what if she doesn’t want to follow me all the way back here? Should I take Isaac out there?”
        “No! Whatever you do, don’t bring him there! If she won’t follow you, you’re off the hook.”

So the servant swore that he wouldn’t get Isaac a wife from the despicable Canaanites he lived amongst and that he wouldn’t bring him to the despicable place that his father came from, and would respect Abraham’s wishes that Isaac should only marry a cousin, or closer relative if possible. Thus, he set out for Mesopotamia, and the land of Nahor that Abraham escaped from.

When he arrived, he spotted a well and thought it would be a good place to pick up chicks. Presumably quite tired from his journey, he decided that he was proposing (for Isaac) to the first girl who was human enough to not refuse him water when he asked. No sooner had he decided that than Rebekah, one of Isaac’s cousins, came out to get some water.
        “Excuse me, but do you think you could spare some water for this poor, tired traveller?”
        “Sure.”
        “THANK YOU, GOD.”

So, upon verifying that, yes, her union to Isaac would be a game of genetic Russian Roulette, he gave her an earring and some bracelets and went to meet the family. They were very nice to him and gave him water to wash his feet and stuff, but he refused to eat the meat they offered until he had told them of his purpose for being there.

He then retold, word-for-word, the tale so far. In excruciating detail. Right up until the point that he came in the door.
        “Now,” he said, “How’s about it? Can I take your daughter and marry her to a cousin she’s never met that, for all you know, I could have made up, just because I claim it was a task from God?”
        “Well, yeah. If God said it, who are we to argue? Take her, total stranger. Take her in the name of the Lord and give her to your master, who we assume you have not fabricated.”
        “Awesome.”
        “Can we have about ten days to get used to the idea of losing our beloved Rebekah?”
        “Time is money, people. As I’ve already given all of you gold and jewels, I think it only fair that you let me get out of this rat-hole with your daughter.”
        “You got it.”

Rebekah agreed to this, so they got her all ready the next morning and blessed her for the journey.
        “Go, daughter,” Rebekah’s family said, “Be the mother to billions of people, and let them possess the gates of those who hate them.”

That may seem like a strange blessing to you, but there must have been a reason Abraham didn’t want Isaac setting foot in that place. Such blessings are likely indicative of that position. Anyway, they got on their camels and headed back to give Rebekah over to Isaac.

So one day, as Isaac was out meditating, he saw the camels crest the horizon and ran out to meet them.

        “Who’s that running over here like an overexcited child?” asked Rebekah.
        “That is my master,” replied the servant.

Throwing a veil over her face, she jumped from the camel to meet her new husband. When Isaac got to them and was eager to meet his new wife, the servant decided to tell Isaac the whole story of what he had done in what can only be assumed was excruciatingly tedious detail.

When Isaac had escaped the tedium of his servant’s tale, he took Rebekah back to his mother’s tent and married her. He loved her very much and the marriage helped him get over the death of his mommy. And the world waited for Freud to come around and explain that.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Indoctrination of Youth

There was a story on Digg the other day about a pair of young parents that got into a fight at the mother’s workplace that ended with the father’s arrest after he knocked over a computer and some video displays. The fight was about which gang the four-year-old would belong to. Yes, I mean “gang” literally. The mother wanted the boy to join the Crips, the father had his heart set on the West-Side Ballers.

Of course, this makes the news because it is insane and absurd that a four-year-old should be indoctrinated into a street gang by his parents. If they had both been members of the same gang, their kid would already be sporting a color-appropriate bandana and participating in gang activities.

Of course a story like this should be reported on the national news. So, why isn’t it all the other times it happens? Well, because, if every one of the 24 hour news networks were to spend 30 seconds talking about each such case, they would never talk about anything else, even if there were no overlap of instances amongst the networks. I know what you’re thinking, “Are street gangs really that prevalent?” Well, you clearly forgot what blog you’re on.

That’s right, I am talking about indoctrinating children into the “gang” of religion. A child is just not capable of deciding on a thing like what religion to be a part of, just like they can’t decide on a political party, street gang or country club. To force such a thing on a child is absurd and unfair. They become indoctrinated and, in far too many cases, blindly follow those childhood teachings into adulthood to the exclusion of all other viewpoints.

Of course, there’s nothing illegal about this, even in non-religious indoctrination. No one is arrested for forcing their child to be a liberal or conservative. Even being in a gang is not illegal, though many of the actions taken on the part of the gang certainly are. It just seems important to point out this terrible travesty. If parents weren’t allowed to force their views on their children, then more people would be able to make their own choices on things like religion. I feel that, without these early-childhood brainwashing practices, there would be a lot less fundamentals. After all, if they were raised in an environment where they were given equal access to all points of view, people would not be very likely to take religious views as being the most sensible option.

I suppose that’s why we’ll never see that world. If their children are allowed to think for themselves, their whole world falls apart. Poor souls.